Long Island Weddings - Reverend Don

An Interfaith Wedding: The Best of Both Worlds
by Charity Curley

How does one couple combine two faiths from two families for one wedding?
According to Stacia (who is Catholic) and Jason (who is Jewish),
the secret to pulling off an interfaith ceremony is simply blending the best of both worlds. Here's how they did it.

Getting Started
The basics came together beautifully. Once the bride and groom agreed on a church wedding, they started planning a formal affair for 200. For their afternoon reception, they booked a nearby Tudor-style private club with a stone porch overlooking a lake. The elegant -- and surprisingly affordable -- mansion also housed the mirror under which Abraham Lincoln proposed to Mary Todd (how romantic!). Although Stacia and Jason were thrilled with their venue decisions, their main focus was on creating a ceremony that was personal to them as a couple but also reflective of the religions they grew up in.

"Deciding which parts of each faith to bring out in the ceremony made planning easier and more meaningful," said the bride.

First they decided which parts of each faith to bring out in the ceremony. "It made the planning easier and more meaningful," Stacia said. "And once you get to know your partner's religion a little bit, you'll be amazed at how many overlaps between the faiths there are." They also found that when it came to incorporating elements from two faiths, it was much less about compromise and more about creativity than one might think -- that is, they didn't worry about which parts of each traditional ceremony they'd have to exclude. Instead, they opened their minds to every option from either one. In the end, Stacia and Jason created a program that included everything from a Catholic declaration of intention and vows to a Jewish exchange of rings to an Apache wedding poem -- all said under a huppah (Jewish wedding canopy) made of flowing tulle and draped in fresh ivy.

Supportive Celebrants
Finding an interfaith officiant was also an important step. Because Stacia grew up attending the Church of Presentation in Upper Saddle River, N.J., they'd planned on getting married there from the start. Stacia remembered Father Jack's special sermons from her childhood and knew his messages would welcome and warm every guest, no matter their religion.

When Father Jack suggested they also have his friend, who was a rabbi, help perform the ceremony, both bride and groom knew they were doing the right thing. "If you find supportive celebrants, they will help set the tone of the whole ceremony for you," Stacia said. "I found that it really made the families more comfortable with the whole issue to meet a priest and rabbi who conveyed a positive vibe about interfaith marriages."

In fact, working with two celebrants who were versed not only in interfaith weddings but also specifically in Catholic-Jewish ones inspired Stacia and Jason to carry their interfaith ideas to the reception as well. "My father said a Catholic grace at the start of dinner," Stacia said. "And Jason's father said the Ha-Motzi (a traditional Jewish blessing made over the bread)."

Family Matters
Involving their families -- and making them feel comfortable -- was important to Stacia and Jason. For example, both sides were incredibly supportive of their interfaith ceremony ideas, but Stacia also knew that many family members might be nervous about how things would actually turn out during the wedding. Sending them drafts of the ceremony program beforehand was the perfect solution. "Once everyone saw that each tradition was being incorporated equally, they all had a much easier time just relaxing and enjoying the day," she said.

How did Stacia and Jason feel about the way their interfaith ceremony turned out? Wonderful. Even though Jason initially thought that a civil ceremony would work just as well, he now says that he's really glad that they had the church wedding that they did. "We'd already agreed that our children (when we had them) would be raised in both faiths," Stacia said. "So a combined ceremony was really the most reflective of not only where we'd both come from, but where we would go together in our lives."

Top Tips:

1. Decide which elements are most important to each of you first.
2. Find a supportive officiant.
3. Don't be afraid to borrow from other religions, custom or cultures, too!