Long Island Weddings - Reverend Don

Use Care in Choosing an Officiant!
Written by Rev. William Britton

This is what happened to my friend at her wedding – and this was after meeting with the officiant (pastor) several times previous to the wedding for planning purposes:

“At the rehearsal he said I couldn't play the bridal song we had chosen because it was secular. This was just three days before the wedding! He was rude to my guests. He told the photographer and videographer they couldn't come anywhere near the alter during the wedding ceremony. After walking down the aisle, I asked my father to take my veil with him – it bothered me and with the lighting and seating some of my guests couldn't see my face. The pastor told me to leave it on. I gave it to my father anyway, and the pastor said to me, “When I ask you to do something I expect you to do it.” – and that's recorded on our wedding video!” Needless to say I was disappointed and angry – and even now, ten years later, I feel the same way.”

Think about it. A wedding officiant can make or break your ceremony. An uncaring or unprofessional officiant can sometimes spoil the whole day. Even so, when it comes to finding an officiant, most couples simply focus on two things:
– Are you available on our date?
– How much is your fee?

If you were renting a car, this approach would make sense. Let's say you need a late model Towncar for next Saturday. All you need to find out when you call around is “Do you have one?” and “How much do you charge?” – but this only works because you know all the Lincoln Towncars will be basically the same. Obviously, when you're talking about people, not cars, you just can't make that assumption!

So, if I may, I would like to suggest a better approach.

Spend some time talking with your prospective officiant. See what kind of chemistry you have. Does he/she sound nice? easy to work with? Does he/she have a pleasant speaking voice? Is there a photo of the person that you can view – perhaps online? Is the officiant focused on pleasing you, or will you be expected to “do as you're told?” Does the officiant have any objections to your location, music plans, plans for pictures or video?, etc. What experience does this person have, and can you get references if you want them? Finally, where is the officiant “coming from” – not geographically, so much as ideologically. Some officiants are basically traditional Christian ministers – others like interfaith ministers, are coming from a very different perspective. It's not a matter of one being better than the other – but only of matching where you're coming from with your officiant's style and beliefs, if possible.

For instance, if you tend to be quite liberal in you're views or lifestyle, you probably don't want an officiant who wants to preach from the Bible to your guests for an hour. (This actually happened!) On the other hand, if you find yourself more in the mainstream when it comes to religion or tradition, or if your guests/family are conservative, you may want a an officiant with more traditional or typical credentials and background. (This is the kind I am – perhaps not too different from Rev. Camden on “Seventh Heaven.”) ;–)>

I hope this helps. Choosing the officiant is a big decision with important consequences. For your own sake, give it the attention that it deserves.

Finally, I'd like to say one thing about the issue of price. Keep your perspective. Think about the

Think about the total cost of your wedding ... if you save $100. on your officiant by shopping around, how significant will that be in five or ten years? Remember, it's not like renting a car – it's more like hiring a nanny (think “Mrs. Doubtfire!”) You need to invest some time in the interview but in the end, you'll be glad you did. Not all nannies or officiants are created equal. Good luck and best wishes for your big day!